DEAR LORD

Dear Lord

By Michelle D Williams

Written 11.14.2010



Dear Lord,

My own fear is what kills me, yet my own fear is what builds me, how can I be in this war in my mind and say that your always on time. I go around with this pretend smile when all I want to do is cry, and see how many pills I can’t take to finally say good-bye. Many don’t know this battle that I fight, they mock me, make fun of me, men just want to run over me. Why is this life so hard that I live and wonder to what magnitude must it reach to be over? This is not a war over what color your skin, how sexy your body is, nor how good you are in bed. This is a war way beyond me. Its way beyond the power of me, it’s a war between spirits that that want control of me, one good and one bad. Why do I always give my power to the bad one and play friends with the good one. My mind is heavy Lord. Please let me not pretend any longer. It’s not a man that I seek, no real shoulder I need to lean on, it is the realness of you, that I must depend on. My life hangs in the balance, in this war when will it end. When I make a choice to have you as my all and all? Then God today is that day. No man wanted, no man needed. What I need is someone who has the upper hand in this battle that I fight, the one whose knows the direction my enemy comes, and the one who knows how far I have to go before until this race is over.

This pain runs deep into my soul. To be taken, abused, and mistreated, by the one loved so dearly and to be trampled on by those you barely know. But among the pain comes the pain of knowing that you can’t even love yourself because some how this was your fault. They abused you because “YOU WERE AT THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME”, “IF YOU JUST WOULD HAVE LISTENED…” , “NO IT WAS THE CLOTHES THAT YOU WERE WAREING”. No it wasn’t he was the whore. “YOU TEASED HIM AND HE FELT PLEASED”. No you showed a genuine smile of friendliness and kindness… it doesn’t give him the right to leave you with the reality of this nightmare… The battle of why’s, who’s, where, and when, or if I, or could I, or should I, could’ve, would’ve, but didn’t, and may have. How was I to know that Satan was there waiting for me, when I didn’t have the relationship with my good true friend.

God from now on be my Master, True Friend, Father, and my Restorer. They call this life but you don’t have to go through life with the hurt someone caused you, you only have to go thru life with God, Because He will protect you from the enemy…

While fighting for a way to die, I foud a way to fight for a way to live.....

Psalms 64

Psalms 23

Philippians 4:7

Joshua 2:09

John 14:26-27

James 4:6-10

Galatians 2:19

1 Peter 5: 10-11

Matthew 6: 9-13 The Lord’s prayer…

God has started His fire within me…I am not going to be the one to put it out again. Lord help me carry this weight…till it reaches you. In Jesus Name I Pray Amen….