LOST AND FOUND DAUGHTER by Michelle Williams
My Life According to Luke 15:11-32
New International Version (NIV)
The Parable of the Lost Son
11 Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.
13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.' 20 So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.
25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'
28 "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
31 "My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'"
Thinking about this parable I began to see that when I was in the safety of my Father and covered by all the possessions that He bestowed upon me. I started to do like many teens in this day in time, trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be. So I left that place that was a place of protection, a place where I belong, a place where my purpose was. I hurt my Father by asking Him to let me be free and find and discover that mass land that was pleasing and enticing to me. Not knowing it could have been where I died.
As I left I could see my Father eyes turn red with longing from the tears that was streaming down His face. He pleaded with me for a while to stay, but in my great need to leave, I told Him let me run my own race. In that I felt a whole drill within me, not knowing that it was my Fathers spirit leaving and a foreign spirit entering me. As I hugged my Father and went on my way I noticed the road that was before me was long, crocked, and wide, and the mass of people that I saw going my way. They looked nothing like me; they were lost barren and cold. Wondered in my mind what did it all mean, but the joy of being free gave it less meaning. As I walk into rest stops along the way I would plant signs that would suggest to me if I was to ever try to return all the pleasure and great fun I had should I try to return home. I got to my final destination the place called Egypt and I say that I was out of dress code, so I took off the robe and shield that my Father had given me and decided to go buy clothes that make me fit in.
As I walk among the people I could still feel a sense that I didn't belong, but that feeling made me long to fit in even more. I started doing the things that they did, partying, sexual fantasies played out in my mind and I did every one of them, I still had this image of my Father in my mind, begging me to stay saying "I hope you come back to me one day". In my attempt to drown out those words I started taking meds that the people gave me because they said it would make the voices go away. They did, but in my heart I said I would go back someday. SO I walked around these crowded streets with my mind heavy on pleasure. Till one day I would meet the one thing that my soul could not measure.
I fell in love time and time again, but they were only there to take the treasure that My Father had built in me…oohhh how can I find my place in this world if all I keep running into is pain…pain that makes me constantly think about my Father. How I began to long for Him, want Him need Him, feel His spirit in me. I know now that whole that drilled was my Fathers place in me. I remember the words He told me as a child. "I can't dwell in a temple where sin takes reign, so if you ever leave; you would have to come to me, in order to have me make you whole again". At the time I didn't understand, I didn't ever think I would go. But it amazes me know to realize that my Father knew this, but yet all my life He stuck close by.
I have spent all my money, have children out of wedlock, and we're homeless with no place to stay. But now something in my heart is say go home; your Father will still accept you this way. But this thing that I have developed in my time here keeps telling me you can do this on your own; you have no need to run home. He calls himself pride, but as time go pass, I realize I dated his friend who name was called lied. I been around the block I must say I dated them all…lonely, pain filled, no good, beast, lied, pride, destroyer, deception, crazy, abusive, rape, killer, but in all of those people I saw the ring leader who I fell for head on his name was Satan…he kept coming back in different forms. He'd dress himself up to appear pleasing to me, tall handsome, sweet swelling words, comforting, there when I am at my lowest I even dated death for years, we were close to being married…and he would always say to me little doth thou knowest…I am taking away life from you, and we will be together for eternity. I would never pay much attention to these words, just in my confusion thought that meant we would be together forever. Never knew that the spirit meant life eternity means I would never return to my Father. As I sit here contemplating this now it brings tears to my eyes because I remember the warnings my Father used to give to me, if u leave me then there would be someone else in whom you give yourself to and you will not be considered as mine but his. Thinking that He was talking about natural things such as marriage to another, but never realizing that there is a spiritual marriage as well, and either He will be your Father or the other spirit I know now that He called the devil. I gave myself away to this being, he didn't come capture me, I willingly walked down that road and came to his front door. Wow who would have ever thought that leaving my Father's House could be so devastating, so life taking.
I began to come to myself and remember my Fathers words, "I hope you come back to me one day". But then I remember Him saying, " I will know the tree by the fruit it bares and I look at my children as they play even in this time of need that were in and as I call them by name: Joy, Patience, Love, and Peace…I realize that my Father is in them. In my attempt to walk away from this world that I am in, pride has one final thing to say and try to get me to stay. Your Father won't accept you and all those kids that you have I am the only one who will ever love you and them. I began to cry and then a word comes to me and simply said: "I AM". I began to remember that my Father would tell people when they ask of His name, and He would reply, "I AM". Not knowing what that meant then I see now that He was everything that I could ever need, and He said that my sheep will hear my voice and come to me, just then my child Love came to me and said, "Mom let's go see your Father, I want to meet Him, and see the place that you described for me. I left with just the things we had on and the little bread we had to eat and we walk down the road.
As I started on my journey home I noticed the road before me and how straight and narrow it was and how many signs was set to distract me from going back home, they were signs that I had placed on my way to that place of destruction and emptiness…this was a the devil ways of setting a trap for me, because he knew that my own selfish desires were still somewhere in me and knew that I would crave that pleasure again. But this time I had something more precious to look after, the sheep of my Father. I am reminded of a time when my a brother of mine before his crucifixion came to me and told me to take care of my sheep, and now I realize who He was referring to. He was talking about my fruit of the spirit that is walking with me in the natural, depending on me to get them home. Tears began to stream down my face and as I walked I seen a child on the side of the road and I asked where did He live and He said with you if you would have me, and this gave me such a comfort, and His name was: HOLY SPIRIT. I had lost Him on my way on that wide road and he found me here on the narrow…it was almost as if He were expecting me to come to His rescue…or He to mine.
As I walked down this street with my children; I thought about all the good times me and my Father and family shared, the things that I was given and the less suffering I had to go through cause my Father took care of everything, I was thinking of how crazy I was to have left in the first place, then my son Peace said to me, you will be happy in that place my, and Joy said because I will be with you always, and patience said we're almost there, and Holy Spirit said, it is a beautiful place. I was wondering to myself how did He know, He's been on the side of the road waiting for me all these years, then as if He read my thoughts He said, I went there looking for you and they said that you will be coming soon, so I decided to go and wait on the road in which your Father said you will return. I shouted to the top of my lungs in thanks to my Father for restoring my family, in an attempt that He will hear me from afar.
As I neared the house, I heard Holy Spirit say, He waits on the porch night and Day awaiting your return, and He said that when He sees you He will run to you and Hold you so tightly. Anticipating that moment I walked a little faster. And to my amazement I heard a small voice saying my daughter has returned, she has returned unto me, and I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, so I tried to see if I could find the direction of that voice and I started to run towards it and as I remembered my Father saying, "I can't dwell in a temple where sin takes reign, so if you ever leave; you would have to come to me, in order to have me make you whole again". In my thoughts I said, I would never return to that place called Egypt for that was my place of bondage, heartache and shame, I leave all remnant of that place behind me, I begin to strip off the clothing that reminded me of this place, I said that I would rather go before my Father naked than with the reminder of that sin…I leave all that on this road and enter into my Father's House with Peace, Joy, Love, Patients, and The Holy Spirit. Running without knowing where I realized that I was entering into green pastures, was no more desert lands and shadows of death but a light that was blinding to me. But I ran anyway, following the voice of my Father whom I had been trying to block out of my mind for so long. Then I noticed that, my Father was running toward me with a speed of lighting as if my Life depended on just Him and I saw that in Satan's final attempt he had placed in front of me a long and deep canyon, and for a split second I was tempted to stop, but wanting to be with my Father, I remembered Him saying what will separate me from the love of the Father…and I said to my- self if I perish I perish but I then had along side of me a friend that I knew from a long time ago…His name was Faith and He said remember when we was younger we used to jump right over this thing…it only looks like its wide and deep but it's really just a crack in the ground…keep running and this time I need you to jump hard and high enough that you all make it. As me and my children went back ready to make this flying leap, I hear my Father calling me and still running for me, and faith cheering us on for He had taken hold of the last child's hand and said we will do this together and we ran and jumped and we landed right in the Arms of my Father. I realized that His arms wasn't to small to hold us all and that He said is my hand so small that I can't reach down and save you, and as I looked around …he at caught us right at the edge of the canyon. Without Him being there we would have never made it...I held on to Him tighter than ever. Knowing that in His arms is where I belong and All I ever wanted was for Him to once again wrap me in His arms.
He carried me back to the house because He knew the journey Had been long and that our strength was gone due to the jump. And I also believe it was because He knew that I wouldn't let Him go. When I got there He ordered for me to be given a bath, which He did Himself…as my children watched and sang to Him…He washed me and said "My daughter you have been made whole, well done". I cried as I listened to my children sang as if they were angles. He put on me a robe and crown, and said "Welcome home my daughter". He called for a celebration and we sang and danced forever Giving Him constant praise for saving all of our lives…for that road was the road to heaven, and my Father is God.
I pray that you get this in your spirit and know that on the two roads God is with you, it's just that one road leads you to Him and the other road leads you from Him. He is calling you while on the road to destruction, but He is running to save you while on the road to righteousness. I tried to input in here scripture that I know everyone knows without knowing where it is. But this is so comforting for me because this is my life.
BY MICHELLE D WILLIAMS
August 26, 2011
12:36P
